I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
