Redeem this text for a blowjob
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
