you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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