a queef is a wish your heart makes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
