threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
