Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
