Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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