I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
