I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
