Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
