My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
