And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
