12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
