This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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