omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
