the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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