just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
