So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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