I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Fuck appropriateness.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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