hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
