it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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