time to smoke my breakfast
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
