She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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