I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
