It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
