i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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