There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
