He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You don't make any sense
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