how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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