I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
