Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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