1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize