There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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