i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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