I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
BRING THE BAGELS
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
