Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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