Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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