this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
