Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
