arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
