so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
