Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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