I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just pee around me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
