About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
