he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
