2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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