I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
