i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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