just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
