I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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