he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
