she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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