You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
