i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
