so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
