Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
