I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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