Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
