I must be too annoying 4 u.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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