You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My ass is underappreciated
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
