we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
