OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
