she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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